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The Space Between

Can you tell that I'm feeling the need for some "white space" in my life these days?

Google defines it as that portion of a page left unmarked: the space between graphics. After 2 years, I've amassed quite a bunch of sidebar stuff! But don't worry, I couldn't part with it so I've moved it all to Page 2 of the blog. You can find all the old sidebar links by clicking the "sidebar links" icon above.

But the white space that I truly crave is in my "real" life. Do you ever just feel the weight of too much change? Wanting things to go back to being simple, knowing you must accept that they won't?

I find myself decluttering and simplifying around the house, painting things clean... or hiding behind my camera where I can adjust the saturation and capture the lovely...but even I know it's just some kind of physical symbolism for the thing that my mind is so incapable of doing.

I barely speak the thoughts to Mr. Blessing but he knows. I can't really verbalize it anyone. It's just an ache in my heart. Because I had a child when I was still a child myself, I'm unsure of who I am if I'm not that boys mom. Oh, it's the silliest, stupidest, most run-away emotion. I know that. I have 3 young children still! I should not be falling apart. Thousands of moms do it every year. There can't possibly be a shadow cast on the hearts of all those other moms. But hidden beneath the busyness and work and everyday life, I am falling somewhat to bits. Could someone please tell me, before I make a blubbering mess of myself at the graduation party, how to do this ...how to be a parent to the child that doesn't "need" a parent?

26 comments:

  1. It's a very hard time, I know. I've done it four times. But, just know this, he does still need you. Just in different ways, that's all. You'll see it. Take care.

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  2. Debi, you will always be that boys mom. Especially to the boys. I was like you when he was younger. We were so close when he was little and he needed me so much, then the years came when he was too old for me, then the time when he only had time for his wife. Now he finds lots of time for me. I need him now, but he thinks he still needs me. Love between a mom and son is a special bond. It will always be there. Just hang in there and everything will be alright. Love to you.
    Smiles,
    Pat

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  3. I agreewith debi. I too did that four times. Now my yougest is 29 and the oldest 36 and they still need me......Prayers and love...m.

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  4. It is very difficult with the first child. It got easier with the next four. And that was only because it didn't really change anything. It was my fear of it changing. Having adult children is as wonderful as it was having them all around me at all the different stages. Being a mom is a wonderful ride. Good luck through this change in your life.
    Your photos are so inspiring as usual.
    Smiles,
    June

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  5. Wow, I've been feeling this for months now and we haven't talked about it. It's getting a bit easier for me now because my daughter has always been fiercely independent... I think she's been preparing me since she was 12 and so has Shayne. I'm here if you want to talk. I feel your pain - honest and there's many of us out here!
    xo~Tracie

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  6. In all my gushing, forgot to say how much I like the white. I can tell you've been reading Jeanne d'Arc Living ;)

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  7. Love them, pray for them. They can never block you doing that and these are the two best gifts you can give.
    You are the Mother. No one else can EVER take that place and you will always be needed, acknowledged or not. You have the right...you bore the child. You and only you are Mother.
    So love and pray....give and give thanks for all the good glimpses you see.

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  8. A bitter sweet season in your life, calls for some tears!!!! Happy tears, sad tears, and proud tears all. Like the ending of a good book, you can't help to dwell on a little. Take the time. It all goes by so fast. Then when your'e ready pick up the sequel because you know the story is only going to get better. Hugs and blessings, Gerri

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  9. Nobody tells you about the "terrible twenties" and that they really begin at about 18! It may sound cliche, but everything will be alright. He is just testing his wings and it is a difficult time for everyone when these life changes come.

    Much love and prayers Polly!

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  10. Polly ~ I felt the same way when both of my girls moved out within 2 months of each other. I have been a mom at home since they were born. I always told my friends that I was going to be a miserable mess when they moved so just be prepared. I have to tell you though that it has been 2 years now and I have survived, in fact, it has been so much fun. Yes they still will need you for sure !!
    God will sustain you through this because it is how He planned it to be. It is wonderful to see that the years of you helping them to grow and learn has prepared them to be independent and spread their wings.
    hugs,
    Lori

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  11. Awe...sounds to me like you are such a loving Mother and you just feel like a part of you will be missing knowing one of your children will venture out on his own.

    It is a normal feeling...you are NOT the only one. But please take my advice as I only have one child and he has graduated and he is in college, on his own and life as we know it is more interesting than ever.

    As a Mother, instead of living "for him", I am living "with him" and watching all of his dreams (and my parental hard work) come true. It is amazing to say the least.

    He is not leaving you...he is just growing and will always be a part of you no matter who he becomes and where he chooses to be.

    Just embrace his independence...afterall, it is a reflection of a job well done girl!

    everything vintage

    oh my, I almost left here without telling you that I love love LOVE these photos and this post...straight from the heart and soooo beautiful!

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  12. As a mother a six, yes all mine! I made it through all the first and some last, the new beginings and the old memories...and still I am a Mom...their Mom. Someday each child realizes that they will always have a Mom and no matter what may come into their lives, they can come to you just to talk. Knowing that she will listen. It isn't easy to watch them grow into adults, it's hard to let them go because they will always be your babies. So cry alittle and smile alot...that is just part of being a Mom!


    PS. I love all your photos! The galvenized items of the white cupboard is my favorite...I love the look of weathered galvenized.

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  13. those are by far some of my favorite pictures you have taken....

    lovely~

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  14. Guess what? He'll always need you - needs just change. Many expressed it here. My "baby" married but he's still my 6'4" 240lb baby! It's fun still through the different stages of love and need and enjoyment! Watching them all has been a blessing and I'm sure you feel that way too! Don't worry - he's always yours.

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  15. Polly, I so understand your feelings. It's really universal between close parents and children, especially moms. When my lst moved out, I sat on the couch and cried and I was sad for a long time even though I still had two at home. When my daughter left for college, my mother who was my best friend, and I her caretaker, had only died 6 months before. With all that time on my hands that I used to care for them, I felt adrift. I was lost. I didn't know who I was anymore. It took a while, but I did get used to having all this time, and I started to take care of me. It's like a reward after all that work that I'm still around and have time to do the fun things I want to do. Next step, grandma! I am ready. Things will again be good for you. You're in my thoughts. Mona

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  16. This is so sad top read and i feel so much for you......i have a little best friend of a guy who is coming up to 15 and i am dreading him leaving home,i simply can not imagine not having him around,he is fun and laughter and always there...i hope you find some comfort from the words from the girls above,i have none i'm afraid as i know i will be heart broken just like you.
    Love Kristina XxX

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  17. Oh the emotions which flowed as I read your lovely post and viewed your fabulous pictures. Eight and ten years ago, I had children who prepared me throughout their teen years for their independence. Now I have a 13 year old, who I know can never be independent successfully.
    I prefer the first scenario of my life, but trust in the Lord's wisdom with my youngest child.
    Fabulous post.

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  18. he'll always need you , don't worry, i still need my mom! I love the crown you made , hope you'll join my queen for a day party!

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  19. Oh. Nope. cant tell you. I for see much kicking, screaming, and blubbering on my end when this day comes to my house. Or a new puppy at least, to take my mind off it.

    I loathe change.

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  20. Oh Polly, I soo know what you are going through...it really is so hard. (I've been melancholy and posting about it myself). We just have to trust the Lord and that he will be our strength and give us new purpose. That is soo where I am at. And it really has nothing to do with the age you had him-it's just part of the change. We WILL make it through this!
    Hugs,
    rene'

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  21. Sweet Polly, My heart goes out to you...I'm in the same place with our first born leaving. The only thing certain in life is change and I keep reminding myself that everyone says it is great to have your adult children for friends. Hang in there! ox rachel
    OH PS. I love white AND clean open spaces...not clutter...working on that one!

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  22. Sweet Polly, My heart goes out to you...I'm in the same place with our first born leaving. The only thing certain in life is change and I keep reminding myself that everyone says it is great to have your adult children for friends. Hang in there! ox rachel
    OH PS. I love white AND clean open spaces...not clutter...working on that one!

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  23. Polly, I completely understand where your heart is. We raise our children to be good people, but then it is time for them to spread their wings and become themselves. If you ever want to pour your heart out, you can always email me. I know your feelings. AND I am finding a lot of peace of mind in decluttering, too. I think we must be living very parallel lines...and my family doesn't get it either. Sometimes we need simple things that won't distract us but instead calm us. LOVE the danish style below. That speaks to my heart!!

    big hugs,
    Becky

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  24. I wanted to let you know that we are passing along the Lovely Blog Award to you! You can stop by our blog to "pick it up"!

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  25. Wow Polly, I'm definately no expert and I can only practice this twice, 2 boys. Cutting the apron strings is hard, I too had my boys very young and I guess for me it's a daily learning experience. I talk with my oldest son that lives in Austin daily and he's even told girlfriends that's just how it is...My youngest son still lives at home and I well, just don't know. There's no manual for this, some days sure wish there were, and others can advise you but it may not be right for you. Pray and much of it is all I can say!

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